Love and Seek even when in Doubt

   A couple weeks ago we had a teaching at our church gathering on "doubt". It was asked if anyone in the congregation ever struggled with this issue and nearly everyone had a hand in the air, and the others  that didn't raise a hand, well.... they are dealing with another issue called "honesty"!         We've all struggled with doubt at some point in our walk with God and if we are truly being honest we've struggled with it more than once.
 Anyone who has known me for awhile knows that I deal with chronic pain in several areas of my spine due to an auto accident several years ago, and fibromyalgia. There have been days throughout this 12 year struggle that I have awoke in the morning to feeling as if a semi ran me over in my sleep and I don't know how I will make it through the day. And, many times plans will have to be altered or canceled altogether because no matter how hard I try or how much I pray, relief just doesn't come. The nights when I can't sleep because the spasms are so intense and I cry out to God for relief and it just doesn't happen, doubt begins to set in and take hold and I wonder if God even hears me. And if he does, why isn't He responding?
 I hear of struggles that others are going through as well and my heart breaks for them because I know they too, no matter how things appear on the outside, I know when things are looking bleak, doubt is sitting right there, ready to pounce.
Right after hearing Rebekah speak on this topic of doubt I was reminded of a teaching at a women's gathering on Matthew 11 . It says here that "while imprisoned John heard of the works of Christ" and he sent word to Jesus by his disciples to ask, " are You the Expected One, or shall we look for someone else"?
 There is such a desperation in Johns voice! And he was Doubting! I believe John believed Jesus was going to rescue him from prison and as his wait became longer he  began to doubt if Jesus was the Messiah! John! John the Baptist! The very one who in Matthew 3 we learn baptised Jesus! John touched Jesus in the flesh! Baptised Him! He witnessed" the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on Him!"v16  And he heard the rumble of Gods voice say, "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased"! v17
 John experienced all of this, he touched, he saw, he heard and still later......he doubted!
 I can sit and think, Oh my how could he ever doubt after all he experienced? But, then again, I should ask myself the same question.
 I don't know why relief doesn't come when I am suffering with spasms and pain, and I don't know why others receive healing and I am still waiting for mine. But, I do know that God has given me the strength to get through those times and I am still here to serve Him. I still know where my life was years ago without Him, and where I am now with Him. I still remember all the strength He has given me to get through some of the most trying times of my life and the lessons He has taught me through those times. I know as long as I am on this earth I will not completly understand His ways of doing things, and I'm good with that, but I will never stop trying. Proverbs 8:17 says-" I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find Me".
I am in a place of resting right here in this verse- Loving Him-and Seeking Him. I believe if I never falter from these two things doubt will lessen it's hold, and the guilt from doubting will go away, others expectations and opinions of me will no longer matter. And  I am being completly honest here I admit sometimes this is my greatest struggle. When others make comments about what I "should be doing" or if I had more faith God would carry me through that and I could do more. If I don't show up at this event or that event it's assumed I'm either less social or loving and faltering from my faith or my walk with the Lord is weak or immature. Many times that's when I sit back and doubt God, because after all, if these other Godly people are getting the strength to "do" all this why am I not?
This is where my faith is put to the test, Do I believe or don't I? Do I truly believe that this unconditional love He has shown me is real?  I choose to rest in Him and Him Alone! Am I here to please others? Or my God, that I have come to know?
I choose to believe in what He has already shown me- He knows me- He loves me- and He will give me all the strength I need for each day just like He has been doing, walking hand in hand, side by side, with me, All the way, even in the pain, I feel Him! He is real!
The next time I am in the middle of a struggle and doubt comes knocking I will rely on God to help me remember and still believe!
I pray all of us will sense His love so so close today and that alone will carry us, no matter what the day may bring, even if it's doubt.

Altars of Remebrance

  One of my favorite books is "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hunnard. In this story we meet a character named "Much Afraid". Much Afraid begins a journey with the guidance of a couple companions given by the High Shepherd to the High Places. Along the way Much Afraid meets with many challenges with fear, honesty, humility, only to name a few. Through this journey Much Afraid carries a satchel, and each time the Great Shepherd has shown her a great lesson, Much Afraid places a stone of remembrance from that place into the satchel to remember the great thing which have been done inside her, lest she forget.
  How often is it when we are going through struggles in this life do we find ourselves asking, "God are you really even there"? Do you care? Do you even hear me? Forgetting all the Lord has done. We can take for granted all the blessings that have come our way as if they never happened.
   I still see that little girl that was once me. I see her smile less face, I can still feel her loneliness, her confusion her pain. God rescued me from those wounds. I will never forget!
  I can still the blood and grass as I laid on the ground that night as the man shined his light in my eyes telling me all was going to be okay and help was on the way. It wasn't my time to leave yet, although strangely enough I felt ready and at peace. I will never forget!
  I can still recall the nausea of near death on that night when I was told it would be okay to get high and I believed his senseless lies once again and it nearly cost me my life. I won't ever forget!
  I can still remember the cold upon my bare feet and the fear in my heart as I walked two miles in the middle of the night with the gash on my head still oozing with blood after being hit once again by a man who promised to love me and protect me all the days of my life. God rescued me from that, and I will not forget!
  I don't ever want to forget those years of despair and hopelessness wandering aimlessly to nowhere and everywhere all at the same time, looking for someone, anyone who believed I was good enough just as I am. They all wanted something- even my own dad saw what he thought was my only worth. He was wrong! I won't ever forget!
  The Lord has blessed me with so much.
  Our world was broken, broken beyond our ability to right the wrong and make it right again. But, God loves us to the extent He could not bare the separation, could not bare even the thought that we would have no hope of ever being in communion with Him again. So much so He paid the ultimate price, a price so high no one could ever know the magnitude-His being-brought to earth in flesh and blood to bare the weight of the greatest human error, or was it simply the first? Sin is sin after all and had this been the only sin-His love would have done the same. This kind of love is way beyond my comprehension- Yet, still I won't ever forget!
 Time and time again, God moves in a way in my life to show me that He does indeed hear me. My prayers go right before Him, before His throne. And then, just like the Israelite's wandering in the desert for 40 years, I get in a place of absorption and pity and I question His very existence. Don't ask how, just simply our human condition. That in itself is the very issue-the human condition. Freedom isn't found there, it can only be found in our depths, the real me, the me inside that makes me, me. Where Jesus is. The me God knows, and has known even before I came to be in this shell we call the human body. Spirit! That is who we are, that's who I am, and I never want to forget, I can't ever forget.
  He knows me, and all He wants from me is me. Me, in the simplest form, not who the world wants to see with all it's expectations. Just me!
 He wants me to come to Him with my troubles, my concerns, my joys, the things I find funny, the things I find troubling. He just wants it all and He wants the truth, silly to think we can fool Him with our pretenses anyway.
  All this time I struggled wondering why it wouldn't go away, wondering why the memory would taunt me, blaming Him for the unhappiness within and In one real moment when all that pain came pouring out with the truth that maybe deep down I hadn't forgiven him, but I so wanted to, I hated carrying it, the weight alone was too much, it alone was burying me. One real moment of absolute truth, it opened the door to allow Him to heal. I can't forget, I don't ever want to forget!  My question had been answered and there was no other way this could happen, absolutely none! None other than my Father in heaven heard my voice and He answered and brought me freedom I couldn't give myself. This is my remembrance stone, lest I ever forget!
  I hope the next time, and there surely will be a next time, I am in despair and I am troubled and I begin to entertain the thought that maybe this whole Jesus thing isn't what we all think it is and maybe God really doesn't hear my prayers, I will think back to all He has done and my remembrance stones will come flooding back to me and I will immediately fall back into the truth and I will lean upon the faith He has given me and pray for patience to wait upon Him to answer knowing He will answer.
  Lord, help me to never forget!

Leadership- Lessons Learned Thus Far- Part 1- How the Journey Began

Its been five months since I took on the role of Ladies Ministry Director at Compelled Church. I place I really didn't see myself going as I headed to the Proverb 31 Ministries conference three years ago, where this journey first began. My every intent in going to the conference that year was to improve my skills as a writer. But, God had a different plan.

Although I originally signed up for sessions in the writers block when I arrived I found the schedule before me to be mostly leadership courses. We were told errors had been made on some of the schedules so we were to feel free to jump into our sessions of interest.

After initially registering for the conference I found out my eldest daughter; who lives in Illionois, was attending the same conference so we both decided to check-in for the early-bird session, which also was on leaderdship. Are you seeing a pattern here? Honestly, at the time, I didn't see it, I just believed it all to be coinsidence.

This conference turned out to be phenominal! Every session I took fed my spirit, by the end of the first day I felt God changing my hearts desire, not taking away my love of writing, just placing something else before it, but I still would not have been able to tell you what this something else was exactly.

On the third day of the conference I visited the prayer room. With over 800 women in attendance and everyone saying to make sure to make a stop in this prayer room , I was surprised when I walked in to find only one woman sitting in prayer. I didn't know she was with Proverb 31 Ministries until after about ten minutes or so she quietly came over to me and sat in the seat next to me and asked if she could pray with me. As she prayed she shared with me what she felt the Lord was laying upon her heart for me, and I won't go into every detail but it was about a change in direction for my life. As we spoke further we both began to notice the similarities in our pasts and the direction we were headed spiritually. The both of us knew our meeting was not coinsidence but a devine appointment set by God.

That final evening Renee Swope gave a message about Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt. The message was all about living in the fullest of who God has created us to be, to not focus on the things we don't believe we are capable of but to move forward with faith in God, our Father who has our backs. After writing down all the things I felt might be holding me back like still believing in the lies told to me in my past about my worth, and failures and bad choices and so much more baggage I had seemed to be holding onto without really even realizing it, I let go! I laid that piece of paper at the foot of that cross. I allowed myself to fall into my Fathers arms and I let Him love me.

Lesson #1- I have learned to not receive what negative people say about me. My one and only true identity is in who God says I am. My past nor the people in my past have any power over me, nor do the people in my present who choose to label me or judge me without knowing me or my heart. In leadership you find yourself in this vulnerable place where you and the moves you make can be scrutinized by everyone around you. The focus has to remain on God- His words- His voice in our hearts and remaining true to His call and who He says we are and continuing on the path and toward the vision He gives.

SHE SPEAKS

Proverb 31 Ministries hosts the "She Speaks Conference" every year. This is an incredible opportunity for speakers, writers, and/or ministry leaders to share and learn new and fresh ways to express and lead others to the heart of God. Due to the generosity of Mr. Cecil Murphy, the ladies at Proverb 31 have been given the opportunity to offer several scholarships to this years conference. You too can try for one of these scholarships as I am doing with this post. You can find out more information through this link, http://www.shespeaksconference/ The challenge for one of the scholarships is to tell a story. Doesn't sound like too much of a challenge, right? Afterall, we all have some story to tell. Here's the catch- the story can only consist of 6 words! Thats right, SIX, words! This is my story- MAMA'S EYES, LOVING, GENTLE, ACHINGLY MISSED.

Blessings all,

Intimacy with God

I had often heard others speak of intimacy with God. But, it wasn't until this wintry day a couple of years ago that I was given a glimpse of the depth of this intimacy God wants with us. Things in my life were not going terrible but, it was a time when there seem to be several nagging things happening all at the same time and my thoughts were focused on the many, what seemed to be, unanswered prayers, I'd been praying for years. My prayers for healing, loved ones to return to serving the Lord, financial breakthroughs for families, broken marriages and wayward children seemed to be falling upon deaf ears. I knew in my mind this really wasn't true but I was discouraged. Some of these situations appeared to be doomed without the Lords intervention and my heart was heavy. Several months prior during a time of prayer this saying came to my mind, " hear me with your eyes"! I repeated this over and over and wrote it down in my journal. For months these same words repeatedly came into my prayer time, "hear me with your eyes". Then several weeks later, "hear me with your eyes, see me with your ears" ! My heart quickened as I sought out my journal once again to jot down this phrase or what maybe was a parable. Did Jesus still teach in parable's? What did these words mean? Ever since I was a little girl I have been fascinated by birds. I just love watching them and the fact that their existence depends totally on God's daily provision just is amazing to me. On this gloomy wintry day traveling through the long twisting drive that led to my mother's apartment, within the senior community, my daughter and I were engaged in conversation when out of the side of my eye I saw something red flash by us. I reached to turn the music down, as I slowed and swerved slightly to the right side of the road. I looked up into the bare tree branches, searching in the direction of this red flash of color. There it was! The biggest and reddest cardinal I think I've ever seen! Oh, he looked so magnificent against the dark black and grey bark of that barren looking tree! But wait, whats that? Oh, wow here comes another one, and she sits right next to him. For a female she looks almost as bold in color as he, but you can tell she is the girl. My eyes are glued and my heart is beating so hard and so fast and my spirit man knows my Lord has something to say! Just then from the same direction as the first comes yet another and another cardinal! Both take their place near the first two and before they even get settled two more come to join them. I'm also a amateur photographer, and my thoughts are racing between knowing this is a moment of significance to thinking how much I wished I'd brought my camera. Then out of nowhere I spot this bird of bright yellow with an orange beak picking his place on the branches of the tree right next to the cardinals! At this point I am praying, Oh Holy Spirit, give me understanding of what You are showing me, when more of these yellow birds come join the first. I sat in complete amazement gazing at this site, feeling incredibly blessed to have been driving through there at that moment to see it. Right then in my spirit I hear " this isn't by accident, this is for you". For me? What does that mean? I'm still gazing into the trees when I hear my daughter tell me to drive away, "an old man is trying to open my door"! Sure enough when I look back an elderly man who lived in the community must have thought I was pulled over for him and he was trying to get in our car. I politely waved to him and proceeded on our way. Throughout the rest of the day I thought about what I'd seen and prayed continually for the Lord to give me wisdom. It was several days later when I opened my journal right to the page with the phrase given to me in the months prior. I'd not even considered the two could be connected. But, as I read the phrase again the vision of all those birds came flooding back to my mind as if I was seeing it for the first time. The revelation of all of this didn't come to me in one full swoop, but little by little the Lord spoke into my heart, showing me what it was He was speaking to me. The first thing being just how personal our Father is- God could have used any number of things to speak to me but he chose something He knew would get my attention, something he knows I love to watch. The birds! I had been asking to hear His voice in response to all the many situations I'd been praying for when I first heard " hear me with your eyes". Here I was driving through a place that appeared lifeless and barren when within the wisp of a second God brought magnificent color. This was exactly how I was seeing these many situations I was praying for, lifeless and barren, without hope. God in His great desire for us to be intimate with Him showed me how deep he knows my heart, how deeply he knows me. He spoke to me through allowing my eyes to fall upon His wonder. Even in the middle of all that appeared to be barren and hopeless, just as the situations I had been praying for, my faithful Father brought gorgeous color, full of life! The Lord revealed that even though some of these situations looked as if they were dying, just as the ground below the winters cold, there lies life just waiting to reveal itself in the spring. We may not always see what the Lord is up to, but if we look around us, we can always see and hear His heart for us. Open your eyes today and hear God's voice and allow Him to show you just how deeply he loves you and wants for you to seek intimacy in our relationship with Him.

I hope and pray my story has inspired you to seek and serve the Lord. If you would like to dig deeper with more stories of inspiration, hop over to the Proverb 31 Ministries site where you will find links to many blogs full of encouragement for your faith to grow.

If you happen to be a writer, speaker or ministry leader "She Speaks" is the conference you don't want to miss.

What is the She Speaks Conference? The opportunity to surround yourself with the love, wisdom and experience of Godly women running after the heart of God who desire to share all they have learned thus far on their journey, to help others be the mothers and daughters to walk in the fullness of all God has for us.

Curious? Check it out- just maybe the Lord has a seat there with your name on it!

shespeaksconference.com

Maybe you can win a scholarship to attend- click the link below.

www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/

May God Bless,

Brokeness Is Opportunity

Pastor has been teaching on the subject of Brokeness at our church, and last week taught on the book of Ruth. We learned about the bitterness that crept it's way into the heart of Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, through the loss of her husband and her son's. Naomi finds herself in a foreign land and in her mind, she is all alone, with only her two daughter-in -laws. She chooses to return to her homeland and even though her daughter-in-law's intend to follow her, she has other plans. She is wanting to go on her own. I believe Naomi's concern for her daughter-in-law is sincere and she means the best for them and their futures. But, the fact that she is making this choice to make this journey alone sticks out to me. How many times in our brokeness and grief do we make that same choice? To go it all alone!
Loss of a loved one is so very hard. It can change who we are, how we react to others, it can change the very way we look at life and/or God! But the greatest mistake we can make is to try to go through it alone and not see the opportunity God gives us through this experience!
I have wrote of the passing of my mom last year, and I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that nothing can fill that void left by the absence of her physical presence in my life. Nothing! Except God!
A mother's love is a most unique love, I believe the closest to Godly, agape love, we will ever experience on this earth. When a loved one is no longer here it leaves a big gaping hole in your heart.
A place only our heavenly Father's love can fill.
I thought I was doing what was best for me after my mom died by just staying busy and keeping my mind off of her and the fact she wasn't ever going to be here again. I was choosing to go "alone" on my journey through grief, kind of like Naomi.
After a full year had past I found myself falling into a deep depression that confused me. Why was I grieving so bad now when she'd been gone a year already? I didn't understand God had been waiting for me to fall into His arms the whole time, wanting to comfort me and guide me through this journey. He was waiting for me to come to Him that He could reveal to me the opportunity He was giving me to learn more about His love. Only God knows the extent of our grieving, only God knows the size of that void left within our hearts and God is the only one who knows just how to fill that gaping hole, and bring us closer to Him all at the same time. It's hard to imagine anything good coming from something that hurts so much, but God not only show's us this in His word in the book of Ruth, it's also shown in the book of Job. Loss is hard, one of the hardest things I think we have to deal with in this life but God can and will bring good from every loss if we let Him. No, our loved one won't miraculously reappear, but one day we will be with them again. And, until that day comes we can learn more about our Father's love by asking Him to walk with us. Asking Him to show us how to love more like Him and to bring us into opportunities to show that love to others.

He promises to always be there, to never leave us nor forsake us ,just as Naomi finally realized, we have to let Him in and choose to walk with Him and let Him show us the way. God brought restoration to Naomi's life. First, with Ruth's refusal to part from her, then by restoring her heart, by showing her His love. God still heard Naomi's voice, even through her pain and her bitterness.

I am so thankful the Lord loves me so much, He wouldn't leave me to myself.
I pray you experience the revelation of Gods love for you today- it will change your life forever- and you will never be the same!

The Mother Daughter Relationship

I don't know how many times in the past several years I have listened to well meaning youth leaders talk about "letting go" of our kids once they become teenagers. They claim more time with their peers and young adults is what they really need at this point in their lives. One thing I've noticed is that the majority of the youth leaders suggesting this way of parenting have yet to parent through the teenage years themselves, and yes, maybe they know kids, but where did this gained knowledge or wisdom on parenting they are claiming come from?
One would hope their guidance and teaching would come from the Bible. But becoming more distant in your teens life is not what the Bible teaches. I am the mom of five great kids. Four of those kids are now aspiring adults who now manage their own daily lives and choices, the fifth child is just beginning to maneuver through the final stages of those teenage years into adulthood. Now, I've learned a lot of things through the years of raising those first four, yet I will never claim to know all there is to know about the right and the wrong ways of parenting. But, this stands out to me; you cannot have a close relationship with someone who is not there, you cannot speak wisdom to someone who is not there to hear you, you cannot guide someone if they cannot see you leading and God has called every parent to be and do every one of these. Do I believe the teenage years are a time to make sure they have opportunities to put into practice those things you hope you have instilled in them thus far? Most certainly! A child needs those opportunities. But, God's word teaches us that "we", the parents are to be their greatest influence, all the way through to adulthood. It doesn't teach us that we are to be this main influence only unto adolescence and then toss that responsibility to their peers, teachers, or even youth leaders. It is our responsibility as parents to see them through this journey into adulthood. There is a great article on this topic of influence at http://www.crosswalk.com/family/home_school/1363344.html named "The Primary Influence In a Girl's Life". Although the article is speaking specifically about the mother/daughter relationship I really think it applies to boys as well. I hope you'll enjoy it. Proverbs 22:6 " Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." NAS

The Symptoms of Grief

Psalm 94:19 "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,

Your consolations delight my soul."

Everyone grieves the loss of a loved one or friend differently. Some hold all their emotion inside and choose to not let it out at all, others may keep their chin up within public view and then let it all out in the quiet or while praying, and there are some who are consumed with the feeling of loss for some time and yet others who for whatever reason, seem to handle the death of a loved one with such calm that one might claim they are void of emotion.

Since my mama went to be with the Lord last year I think I've gone through each one of these different ways of grieving. Much to my surprise has been the effect upon me as the first year anniversary of her passing has come. It's been harder than I thought it would be. I have missed her every day, and some days the pain has been so intense.

Grieving, I am finding is an unpredictable emotion that can seem to be totally absent one moment and all consuming in the next, with no announcement of it's coming symptoms.

But, Jesus is faithful to His word that he would never leave us, and He brings consolation to the anxious and the grieving heart and the one thing that brings me comfort is picturing my mama sitting with Jesus with a smile on her face, knowing one day we will both be sitting there with Him, smiling!

The Creation Museum was incredible!

The heart and work that went into the building of this just blows me away. The details, and the animation of the replicas and the way they seem to be looking right at you!!

We had a great time and really enjoyed the petting zoo where we got to see and feed a real zonkey!!
Blessings,

The Very Breath We Breathe

How often throughout our day are we aware of breathing? Of course we know were breathing, but how aware are we of doing so? You know the actual process........breathe in.......now exhale ......breathe in....... now let it out. Brings to mind a doctors visit, doesn't it? When you fear hyperventilating because the doctor is moving that stethescope just a bit too quickly for you to catch up! Or after we've been running or exerting ourselves we become aware of our breathing, but mostly because at that point it becomes difficult to catch our breathe. Another is at the end of life when your time left on this earth has become short and the number of breathes we take in a single minute are counted to determine when that time may come. But, normally on an average day we don't pay much attention to breathing, although it is the most important function vital to life. Without breathing our hearts fail to beat, and blood no longer flows through our veins.
Jesus is so much like the very breathe we breath. He is vital to life, yet for so many we go throughout our days being unaware of just how vital our need is for Him, until life becomes difficult, then we come as if gasping for air.
The days we are upon aren't making it difficult to find ourselves in times which can be like taking the very wind from our sails, so to speak. The pink slip at the end of the work day, late notices in the mail, children failing at school or even worse and into drugs and alcohol, ailing health. The list could go on and on, my point being, we don't have to look too far to find troubles in this life, Jesus told us in John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
How much different would our days be if everyday, every hour, every minute we were aware of our need for Jesus to make it to the next day, hour or minute? I believe God created breathing, the most vital function for our physical life, to be on autopilot, because, otherwise we would have to constantly be aware of our breathing, lest we die physically. Our spiritual well being isn't on autopilot though, we have to be deliberate in seeking Him. We have to be aware that our need for Jesus is like our very breathe. Without Him we face imminent death.
The following is from my devotional reading today and what stirred this thought within me about our breathing.
"Jesus" The very sounding of My Name, in Love and tenderness, drives away all evil. It is the word before which all hosts of evil flee.
"Jesus". My Name is the call for a lifeline to rescue you from temptation.
"Jesus". The Name banishes lonliness and dispels gloom.
"Jesus". Summons help to conquer your faults.
I will set you on high because you have known My Name. Yes! My Name-Jesus." Use it tenderly. Use it prayerfully. Use it powerfully.

It is my prayer that as we go through this day we will all be more aware of our need for Jesus in everything we do, as if He were the very breathe we breath. Inhaling more of Him and exhaling our cares and troubles of the day.

"As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God." Psalm 42:1

O' Lord I so need You, without You Jesus my life would be no more, like my body without air, I would fail to function. I thank You Lord that You are always with me, help me to let You in deeper still, help me to release every burden into Your care, that I may focus on You.

Love You Jesus,

Amen.

Joy in the Midst of Despair

Much has happened in my life since I last wrote something here on this blog. With all the good intentions in my heart to keep posting regular, life sometimes just gets ahold and time goes much faster than we'd like.
I am learning just how fleeting life is and sometimes opportunities can pass us by never to return again. Also that just as God's word tells us, "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world".
In the early part of April I learned that my mother has terminal cancer. Since that time it seems I have experienced a gambit of emotions, from shock, despair, anger, hurt, confusion, frustration and helplessness.
On one recent occasion my mom had called me sounding so distraught and helpless and in need of some help. I got into my car hearing the sound of her desperate voice still ringing in my ear as I slid a worship CD in to listen to while enroute to her home. I began to sing along and just worship the Lord when I was surrounded by an overwhelming presence. This was a presence of joy so full and so complete it is indescribable. For a second or two I felt a bit guilty for feeling so full of this joy when my mother was feeling so down and desperate. Just as quick as that thought had entered my mind I sensed the Lord telling me "no", "don't give into that thought, this is My gift to you, receive it, walk in it, even in times of trouble, it is yours always". I was overwhelmed to tears at Fathers love for me.
I have always heard the teachings about joy, and joy in times of trouble. I've experienced joyful times, in times of trouble, but not really truely being full of joy in troubling times. This joy is still so full in my heart and I know the Lord is in control. Even if I am helpless, He isn't and no matter what life has in store, my joy comes from knowing Him. My joy comes from realizing where he has brought me from, my joy is knowing someday I will be with Him for all eternity. And until that time, He is with me, therefore I can rejoice, even in the face of troubling times.
Blessings

All In The Life of Bees

29) Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; 30) and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to everything that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food"; and it was so. 31) God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. Genesis 1:29-31

This morning as I was praying I was thanking God for all these things we seem to have grown so accustomed to, flowers in the spring with their beautiful scents, the greeness of the grass and the trees. The variety of birds and the role they play in our intricate ecosystem. The thought of bees came to me and the role they have in our survival. I don't think we give much thought of that when we think about those bees. Most times we think about how pesky they are or how we run from them. I was thinking about how the bees pollinate our plants. How they go from one to another taking from one and giving to another, almost just by the landing on another plant, cross pollination happens.
God was so perfect in His plan. We as christians so many times find ourselves confused and we say we just don't hear God speak.
If we would just take the time to look around us at His creation, he even gives us examples on how to live by the life of a bee! Some may be thinking I have finally gone off the deep end here, but I don't think so, i think I'm hearing and seeing quite clearly in this.
A bee spends its whole day wondering and collectiong for the providing for those in the nest, these are "the workers", or servants if you will. They go from one plant to another all day long, touching(planting seed-pollinating) one, then touching another, and in doing so providing what the plant needs to produce fruit (food) or a beautiful bloom, still referred to as fruit.
In our lives in order to produce "fruit", we need each other. All alone we produce nothing!
It is only by the power of our Heavenly Creator we can be the conduit to produce anything in this life. We need not only to be touched by others hearts we need to touch others with our hearts.
We are in such a time in our world that our mere survival depends on God and each other.
We need to be focusing more on God and His heart and being faithful to bring gladness to His heart by being more selfless, allowing those petty things in our lives be tossed aside, they have no eternal significance anyway. What are the things in our lives that do have eternal significance?
Today my prayer for all of us is first, we would all grow closer to knowing the heart of our Father, and our goal would be to bring gladness into That Heart, by touching (planting seed) into the life of another.
It may mean just a simple phone call to ask someone how they are doing, or doing a kind deed for a neighbor. No matter how big or small the task, it's the heart that matters.

Would you go and touch a heart today? Then allow God to bring the fruit from your effort.

And open your eyes today and you too can hear the voice of God!
He is our awesome God !
Thank You Abba, I am Yours!

I've been thinking latley about prayer.
I know Gods word tells us we don't have because we don't ask and we are suppose to ask in prayer. Yet I somehowfeel as if prayer has lost it's purpose, for many it has become simply a time to make requests of God.
When was the last time we simply called out to God for nothing more than to be in His presence?
Have we become a body who looks at prayer like a jeannie in a bottle so to speak?


Many times we get into prayer and our time becomes a never ending list of requests and not only do we request we go further and even tell God how He should go about filling our order.
We ask Him to do this and remove that even as we declare in our next breathe that we desire His will. Hmm.

I have come to believe that when we come to Father with a heart of prayer, although at times we should be specific, just the mere desire to be with Him is enough.
Have you ever had one of your children be excited about coming to sit with you to share in watching a movie, then they no more get all cuddled up against you and they fall asleep?
I see our Heavenly Father in much the same way. He is pleased we have the desire to just be with Him. Gods word says He already knows what is in our hearts and He already knows what it is we need. So many times going into prayer I am so thankful I can simply come to Him and I don't have to utter a single word. Romans 8:26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Isn't that awesome! We can simply come! No more....no less.....just desire Him and come.
And even if we find ourselves curled up and all cuddled against Him, basking in His warmth to the point we fall asleep, thats okay. he's Daddy God, He will simply hold us and love us and in so doing he already knows the desires of our hearts.

This alone shows His love for us........Abba, I am yours!
Be blessed and in His presence.

Life Update

It's been several weeks since I updated my blog. Not for lack of happening mind you, just for lack of time to sit down and write.
But, the Lord is busy! I have been doing a study about the Jewish roots of Gods word and even visited a local synagogue. It was amazing! I was so moved by just the flow of the Holy Spirit during the Shabat celebration. Even though I am sure there was some sort of prepared message for the evening, you just couldn't sense that anything was being done my the mandates of a clock, and it was freeing! The worship time was absolutley beautiful! The Lord spoke to my heart about the freedom we have in worshipping Him. It isn't about having the right song or the right atmosphere surrounding us, it is just truely all about Him and allowing our spirits to flow freely with His in unison, allowing ourselves to become one with Him. When we allow ourselves to completley surrender during worship we bring ourselves into a place where we are better able to hear His voice, sense His presence and feel His breathe upon us, where restoration can take place.
I would encourage you to worship and praise often. We don't have to wait to go to where we gather with other believers to worship the Lord. Where ever we choose to worship Him isn't what is important, but that we worship, truely worship. Not just sing a song in unison with others but listen to the words as we sing them and let those words penetrate our hearts, and then surrender and fall into the loving arms of our Savior. From it will come greater understanding into the heart of our Father, our love deepens, our hunger for more of Him will grow.

Phillipians 3:3a for we are the true circumcision; who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh,

Be blessed today as you worship the Lord in all you do, do it for the glory of God!

Taste and See

Psalms 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

This past week-end our church began having an additional gathering time on Saturday evenings. What a blessing to be having so much growth! Yet, as we grow in numbers of bodies it has also been our prayer we grow in spirit. As I prayed Saturday asking the Lord to reveal Himself anew to His children, I asked that our awarness of just how close He is would be peaked.
We would feel His very breathe upon our skin. There was a stirring in my heart asking, "will you receive"?
Throughout all three services this week-end this was my prayer, "teach us to receive Lord".
This afternoon Ps. 34:8 came to mind. Then a correlation between what I felt in my heart and what I read in this verse.
Just like having a plate of food in front of you, before it nourishes and can benefit our bodies we must receive it to our bodies. If we simply let the plate of food sit before us it does nothing, we have to get the food into our bodies.
Jesus, through the Holy Spirit can be no closer, He lives within us, consistantly ministering to us.
Yet, if we don't do our part and surrender to Him we will find ourselves complacent and undernourished.
Our lives will always have something for us to be concerned about or to dwell over. But, it's not what the Lord would have us be doing. I know it can be so much easier said than done to just give it to the Lord, yet, I am also seeing the more we surrender the more teachable we become, the more we open up our hearts, the more we receive. The more we receive, the more we grow.

Give us teachable hearts Lord, help us to surrender self to You and all our plans, to lay them down before You and receive all You have for us. Place Your precious peace upon us as we lay every care, every worry down at the foot of the Cross, and help us grow deeper in our understanding, and our love for You and those in our lives.
We praise You and thank You........In Your precious name Jesus, Amen

Be blessed........"O'Taste and see that the Lord is good".

Clutter in our Hearts and Minds

This morning my day started with a hunt, you know the kind I'm referring to, where you know you just saw it, and you search and search and you find many other things you previously went on a hunt for but the one thing your searching for right now is no where to be found. Then you become frustrated and you can think of nothing else, finding this thing becomes almost an obsession. Then as you are on the search you find yourself on the onset of a great throw away session. Are ya with me there ladies? Or am I the only one who does this?
Today as I was on my tirad a thought came to me about "clutter", it's everywhere!
I've often wondered when visiting others what they do with their clutter. You know the kind I'm talking about, all that stuff that comes in the mail that you might (not) use some day, where in the world does everyone hide this stuff?
Anyway I realized, while on my hunt, that this clutter is everywhere, not only with mail, but we have newspapers, periodicals, our e-mail boxes, and also inside of us, in our minds and our hearts. I couldn't help but wonder if the clutter inside of us works the same way as the clutter on the outside, and couldn't imagine why it wouldn't. I have found when we have all this clutter in our lives it keeps us from finding the very thing we need. Have you ever found yourself checking e-mail and finding so many that you just delete them all, then someone asks you if you received the e-mail with an invite or an announcement of an important event?
When situations and circumstances come our way we tend to fret about them almost obsessivley, cluttering of the mind. When we allow our schedules to become overloaded, cluttering of our time. When we worry about things we have no control over, cluttering of our hearts. I am seeing a corralation here between our physical clutter and our inner clutter, aren't you? All this clutter keeps us away from finding the very thing(s) that is most important.
Hosea 10:12 Sow with a view to righteousness, Reap in accordance with kindness; Break up your fallow ground, For it is time to seek the Lord Until He comes to rain righteuosness on you.
"For it is time to seek the Lord".
How much of our clutter keeps us away from seeking the Lord? How much of our clutter keeps us away from hearing His voice?
Sometimes it's very difficult in our own strength to let go of something, or a situation that just breaks our hearts. Our thoughts tend to take over or clutter up our time, our minds and hearts. We want to let go but find we are just too weak. Recently I found myself in this very place, where my thoughts seem to be taken over by circumstances heart breaking and out of control, and I found myself constantly thinking about it. In one instant I simply said "Lord, I don't want to be thinking about this all the time" , and a verse came to mind.
Matthew 6:33 But, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
God cares and He knows our hearts. When we bring all things unto Him first, we can then let it go. You might be thinking thats easier said than done, and I agree. But, after the verse came to me, later that day even when I sat down it dawned on me that I hadn't really thought about that issue much at all since I called out to God. He truely had come and helped me unclutter my thoughts. My heart felt lighter upon realizing this and excited for the future. You see this isn't the only time I've allowed myself to be taken over by a situation, actually I had begun to think this was just how I handled things. But, now the Lord has shown me He will help me keep my heart and mind on Him if I simply bring it all to Him, first.
How many times have I thought it would be so awesome to have help uncluttering my life, and all along the only help I needed was just waiting for me to ask.
I don't know if this message will help do anything about that paper clutter from our mail, or the clutter in our e-mail boxes but I do pray it encourage you to let it draw you to the very one who can help you unclutter your heart and mind and bring you to a place of freedom and peace. I pray it will bring encouragment to take a good look around our lives and get rid of the stuff and the doing that just isn't going to bring an eternal benefit. "For it is time to seek the Lord".

Being Teachable

Proverbs 1:8 Hear my son, your father's instruction
And do not forsake your mother's teaching;


I remember that feeling inside when I would overhear plans being made when I was a small child. That sense of wanting to know all the details, the times, and the day in which these plans were to take place. Sometimes my mother would be accommodating and would fill us in without hesitation, and other times be more lock lipped than Fort Knox. (this was a saying my brothers used all the time when sometihng was not openly available to them, funny how those things stick with you). Mom always had her reasons for either revealing or keeping quiet about what was to take place. I recall for the most part being excited and just accepting that plans were being made for me.
Why are we not as accepting of the plans the Lord prepares for us? Maybe "accepting" isn't the right word here, possibly it's more a need for patience and trust on our part.
In Isaiah 40:31 it says, " But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength."
When we are children we have such a sense of acceptance and trust for those who care for us, who have shown us love and nuturing. Why then as we grow older and supposedly more mature in the Lord we seem to trust Him less than we trusted our own caregivers as a child? In Matthew 18:3, Jesus says, "Truely I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.
"Like children"!
What does it mean to "become like children"? My granddaughter loves to sit on my lap and have me teach her how to count, or do puzzles, or read to her. Her curiousity about life and all thats in it overwhelms me at times. I think this is a perfect example of what our Father desires from us, to come, sit on His lap and let Him teach us.
How do we want our children to accept our teaching? With resistance? Rebellion? Or acceptance and trust?
I believe the Lord is calling His children to a deeper understanding and also a deeper commitment to His plans for our lives. The only way this will happen is by trusting Him, knowing He loves us, He helps us, He fights the battles for us. But, we must trust, we must be teachable and accepting of His plans.
Just as when we were little and we trusted the plans being made for us by our parents we are to trust and believe our Fathers love for us would never lead us astray, He loves and cares for us and longs for us to come to Him just like His word says, "as children", trusting Him and having a teachable spirit about us.

Daddy, I come before You today with my arms held high, reaching for You to lift me up to sit upon Your lap and listen and to be taught. Open my ears and eyes, as well as my heart, mind and spirit to receive and trust in all You have for me. Thank You, In the name and power of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Now, go on, go crawl up on your Daddy's lap and have a nice long talk!
Be blessed!

Parental Lessons Learned

Acts 2:25-28
'I saw the Lord always in my presence;
For He is at my right hand, so that I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart was glad and my tongue exulted;
Moreover my flesh also will live in hope;
Because you will not abandon my soul to Hades,
Nor allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You have made known to me the ways of life;
You will make me full of gladness with Your presence.'


My Mother once told me that when your children are little they step on your toes, and when they are older they step on your heart.
I through the years have found the truth in this statement.
I love being a mom, but I will tell you, it is the most difficult job we women will ever face in life. I have learned so much about myself and about life through my children.
I have come to a better understanding of the heart of God by being a parent. His tolerance, His grace, forgivness, and mercy have become the things which I crave to possess in greater measure than seems natural for the flesh to obtain.
I have learned I do not possess the power to change a heart no matter how the condition of that heart breaks mine. I've also learned that when you parent a child into adulthood it doesn't hurt any less when they stray just because you didn't actually give physical birth to that child. Being a parent isn't about the birthing process it's about the loving process.
I have learned that when your children become adults they don't always recollect the past the same way you remember it, at times bringing laughter and others times tears.
I've realized once we become adults and we're raising our own children we still may not see the things we did in our youth that contributed to some of our own hard places and take ownership instead of passing blame.
I have learned much by being a parent, but I have learned much more by being a child, His child, and it is in His presence He will restore gladness in my heart. I never want to make His heart feel the way mine does today, although I know I have and He has always been there just waiting for me to turn to Him in repentance and desire to once again sit and bask in the warmth of His love for me.
It is in His presence where I find peace.
The greatest lesson I have learned is although I am still a parent and cannot take that responsibility lightly, I'll do it best by being His child first.

Gifts

WOW, Life sure does get busy, doesn't it? I can't believe it's going on two months since I've last written here.

The past few days as we all start to collect those last few gifts to give for Christmas Day my mind and heart has been stirred about the receiving of gifts, and how sometimes we tend to overlook the gifts that are most precious.

Do you remember as a kid, or ever watched as a small child, or even an older child for that matter, is opening the gifts of Christmas, and they open one and immediatly put that gift to the side then proceed on to the next, finally arriving at the last gift and after opening it, looks up and asks the question, "Is that it"? " Is that the last one, really"?

As we approach the day of "Christmas", the day we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, I am praying we would all take some time to evaluate life, and see those gifts for which the Lord has given. Although I am no longer a big fan of the winter season the Lord has impressed upon my heart the beauty and the gift He has given us in this season. The symbolism of the pure white covering of snow that washes over the dingy dirty look when the appearance of life has faded for the season.

If you are one who has previously read my posts, you might recall awhile back my post about the birds. I marvel at this creation of God and the wonder of their life, not only the diversity of their colors, shapes, sizes and characteristics, but amazingly how God cares for them. I watched the other day from my car as I waited for my daughter as the sparrows did this awesome dance in the air. First it was just fifteen or so flying then landing on a rooftop, as several more joined that group, they all lifted up in flight the last following the first as they all swoped down, then back up to land on the utility wire. More then joined in as they all again lifted in unison and dipped and swayed in their flight, as if dancing in the air. By the time they left where I could see them there must have been hundreds of them. I sat there falling in love with the love of our Father all over again.

I seen this display as a gift the Lord gave me the vision to partake in, one I may have missed if given to the hurried schedule we all find ourselves in these days.

Some of the greatest gifts we could ever receive are all around us, in the gloriously blue sky He has used to paint the backdrop of our outdoor world. Even those days that are somewhat gloomy can carry beauty as the other evening we found reds and pinks swirled within what was the time of sunset. The giggly laughter of a small child, the twinkle in the eye of an elderly person when you tell them you love them, the hugs we receive when we so need encouragement.

As we all gather together with our loved ones this Christmas, it is my prayer that we would see the truest gifts of life all around us and we be given the ability to appreciate them for what they are. The greatest gifts, the ones that are from the Fathers heart through His children, given to each other. Embrace someone this season and open your eyes to the wonders that surround us all in the awesome beauty of His creation.

May you know the greatest gift the Father has given us, the gift of His Son, Jesus!

Putting Self Aside

When I looked at the date of my last post it just confirmed for me what my mind and body had already been screaming at me for weeks now.........life has gotten too busy.....slow down. But, have you ever gotten yourself into such a tailspin that you just don't know how to slow down?
What's really crazy is I have been here before and I got better at it and for a very long time I had developed a rhythm, an easy pace if you will. Then sometime this past summer that ol' ball began to roll and it just seems to be picking up speed as time passes by.
One day last week as I was attempting to catch up with some household tasks, I found myself in a stuppor of frustration and I was asking God to show me a way to make this all just slightly easier. I was making suggestions to Him as I cleaned, like if only they would this, or if only they could that, then this might be alittle easier on me. As it was beginning to look as if I could be close to completion I came upon another big mess to clean up, and sarcastically asked, "does this ever end?". I continued on my little tirad....okay....huge tirad about cleaning up after other people. I made the comment half to myself and half to the Lord I suppose being He had been the only one I had been conversing with this entire time...(and not all on a sour note), just how tired I was of always cleaning up someone elses messes. Right after I said those words it was as if I heard the Lord immediatley say to my heart........"You mean like I do yours?"
Talk about being humbled before the Lord!
You see the week previous to this one I had been asking the Lord where that fine line was between being selfless and giving too much. I've really been struggling with staying on task with the duties in my own life while at the same time pushing those things to the side to aid others when their lives have thrown theme a curve ball or two. I was becoming overwhelmed at times and frustrated that maybe I was being taken for granted or taken advantage of or maybe just unable to say no, which has been an issue for me in the past. At the same time praying about being a true reflection of Christ.
Through this one brief moment God not only brought enlightenment but He also answered my question with a renewed joy of serving others.
I now can see that to live like Jesus is to live without limits. I don't recall ever reading or hearing of a time when Jesus refused to help anyone that asked. It is through the giving of our hearts that others will see the reflection of Jesus in us. I am finding that even though I can become tired and weary physically and emotionally God is faithful to His word.

And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Gal.6:9

And whatsoever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord, and not unto men; Colossians 3:23

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not grow weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Throughout this time I also have been dealing with some medical issues. I can see clearly now how by doing these extra tasks God has been the One carrying me, giving me strength beyond my ability, because I was doing exactly as He would have me do.....serve others......witness without words through my actions. Allowing the Lords reflection to shine through. When we truely are willing to set ourselves aside for someone else thats when God shines through us, thats when His strength will carry us to do amazing things we cannot do in our own limited abilities. It's not about making my life easier; it's about fulfilling the purpose for which I am here. To serve, just as Christ said He did not come to be served, but to serve, this too is my call.
I wished I could say I'll never again become frustrated by the distractions or even the messes of others, but I know it will only take me one second of recollection to realize once again the magnitude of what He has done for me....humble I become and willing to put myself aside for the sake of another, just as Jesus has done for me.
I pray this is encouragement to your heart that God sees all those little things we do, and although they may seem little to us at the time, with and through God even those little things can bring huge dividends in reward to others.

Be blessed all, it will be a bit before I post again, we are off to sunny Sanibel for a much needed rest and renewal, mind, body, and spirit!