Monday, June 15, 2009

Joy in the Midst of Despair

Much has happened in my life since I last wrote something here on this blog. With all the good intentions in my heart to keep posting regular, life sometimes just gets ahold and time goes much faster than we'd like.
I am learning just how fleeting life is and sometimes opportunities can pass us by never to return again. Also that just as God's word tells us, "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world".
In the early part of April I learned that my mother has terminal cancer. Since that time it seems I have experienced a gambit of emotions, from shock, despair, anger, hurt, confusion, frustration and helplessness.
On one recent occasion my mom had called me sounding so distraught and helpless and in need of some help. I got into my car hearing the sound of her desperate voice still ringing in my ear as I slid a worship CD in to listen to while enroute to her home. I began to sing along and just worship the Lord when I was surrounded by an overwhelming presence. This was a presence of joy so full and so complete it is indescribable. For a second or two I felt a bit guilty for feeling so full of this joy when my mother was feeling so down and desperate. Just as quick as that thought had entered my mind I sensed the Lord telling me "no", "don't give into that thought, this is My gift to you, receive it, walk in it, even in times of trouble, it is yours always". I was overwhelmed to tears at Fathers love for me.
I have always heard the teachings about joy, and joy in times of trouble. I've experienced joyful times, in times of trouble, but not really truely being full of joy in troubling times. This joy is still so full in my heart and I know the Lord is in control. Even if I am helpless, He isn't and no matter what life has in store, my joy comes from knowing Him. My joy comes from realizing where he has brought me from, my joy is knowing someday I will be with Him for all eternity. And until that time, He is with me, therefore I can rejoice, even in the face of troubling times.